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Ditto’s Tales of the Sea – The Mary Celestia

Ditto’s Tales of the Sea – The Mary Celestia –  Click to Listen!!

As originally heard on Pieces of Eight Radio on Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Intro music is ‘Aether Shanties‘ by Abney Park. The story is based on the true story of The Mary Celeste, one of the most famous ghost ships in maritime history.  The mystery of the Mary Celeste remains unsolved, even now…


Ditto:  Ahoy there and welcome once again to another chilling episode of ‘Tales from the Sea’…

Miss Narrator:  Oh yay, I’m so excited, I can’t wait!

Ditto:  Really?

Miss Narrator:  Not really, but I’m stuck waiting for dough to rise, so I have some time to kill…

Ditto:  That’s OK, I’ll still take it.

Miss Narrator:  so can we talk about anything related to Pirate 101 yet?

Ditto:  Well… sort of…  but nothing, you know… specific…

Miss Narrator: So we can tell them there is a skull island, but we can’t actually tell them what you can do there?

Ditto:  Well, we can tell them that’s where Captain Avery lives… he’s got a great house!

Miss Narrator:  It is nice, isn’t it?  Of course he’s a well respected pirate captain, you would probably expect him to have a nice place.

Ditto:  Oh definitely – I like Skull Island.

Miss Narrator:  so, anything else specific we can talk about?

Ditto:  I had a really good blueberry cheesecake for lunch.

Miss Narrator:  First, You’re not supposed to have cheesecake for lunch, and second, I was saving that Cheesecake!  Oh, and third, that has nothing to do with Pirate 101…

Ditto:  I know It has nothing to do with Pirate 101 – it was just really good pie.

Miss Narrator:  Well let’s get to the story then… tell your harrowing tale!

Ditto:  Ah yes – today’s tale is a tale of dark mystery – a mystery that has never been solved!  It’s a tale of strange disappearances, otherworldly powers out on the open aether, and – quite possibly – ghosts!

Miss Narrator:  Ghosts?  Oh my!

Ditto:  That’s right, for the tale I tell is that of  a ghost Ship – none other than that of The Mary Celestia!

Miss Narrator:  Never heard of it…

Ditto:  Well it is only the most well-known ghost ship story on the aether!

Miss Narrator:  Do tell…

Ditto:  Long ago, the Mary Celestia left port in Monquista, loaded with cargo and passengers  and headed out to Cool Ranch.  The weather was fine and the crew was full of well trained and highly capable seamen.

Miss Narrator:  Are they still called seamen if there’s no water, the boats are flying?

Ditto:  I have no idea, me is just a monster.

Miss Narrator:  Fair enough..

Ditto:  So the Mary Celestia had been in the aether for over a month when it was found by Valencian Traders.  It was still at sail in one of the airways with all the rigging set, apparently still on course for Cool Ranch, but not a soul remained on board…

Miss Narrator:  Nobody?  What happened?

Ditto:  That is the mystery – nobody knows.  There was plenty of food, the ship was in perfect condition, and Batacuda attacks were at an all time low.  Her cargo was completely untouched, and the personal belongings of both crew and passengers was al accounted for.  There was even food set out on the table and only partially eaten, like people had vanished mid-meal.

Miss Narrator:  And nobody left a note?

Ditto:  Nope.

Miss Narrator:  See, I tell you that all the time – if you’re going out you should leave a note so people know where you are and when you expect to come back.

Ditto:  Um…

Miss Narrator:  It’s not hard – we’ve got sticky notes right there on the refrigerator, and there’s like three pens.

Ditto:  Um… Miss Narrator…

Miss Narrator:  What?  I’m just saying… Oh, sorry… ghost ship, right…  so what do people think happened?

Ditto:  Well, some people say it was a sky squid attack – you know how bad those can be!

Miss Narrator:  Oh yeah – scary!

Ditto:  But there was no evidence of a squid attack – normally they really tear the ship up, and there’s always slime left over.

Miss Narrator:  Ew….

Ditto:  Some people think the crew were beset by other pirates, but there’s also no evidence of a battle and the cargo was still there.  Some people say it was a sea monster, and some say ghosts, deadly apparitions of shipwreck victims trapped in the aether and searching for more victims.

Miss Narrator:  What about Reavers?

Ditto:  Doubtful – Miranda is nowhere near Cool Ranch.

Miss Narrator:  Well that’s’ good.  So what do you think it was?

Ditto:  Based on all the evidence and my keen investigators’ skills, I believe the answer is clear…

Miss Narrator:  Oh really?  So what was it?

Ditto:  UFOs.

Miss Narrator:  I knew you were watching too much History Channel…

Ditto:  No, I’m serious – it makes sense… I mean, the spiral is kind of in outer space anyway… I’m sure there are lots of UFOs and stuff…

Miss Narrator:  Of course…  it makes perfect sense.  I guess we’re not in any danger of solving the mystery of the Mary Celestia…

Ditto:  Totally aliens

Miss Narrator:  Join us again next time for something equally… interesting.

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