Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 18

The Daring Adventures of Ditto Episode 18

The Daring Adventures of Ditto Episode 18 – as heard on Ravenwood Radio Episode 33!

New Theme Music – [Turning Japanese]

Miss Narrator: Welcome once again to the Daring Adventures of Ditto

Ditto: What with dat theme music? What happened?

Miss Narrator: After the daring adventures in Marleybone, Ditto and Madame Jasmine were summoned to the distant and exotic land of Mooshu!

Ditto: But, but.. we were in Marleybone, we were just about to face down Meowiarty! We fought our way through everything and made it up to Big ben and…

Miss Narrator: That was like a month ago… nobody remembers that stuff. People want fresh and new and exciting!

Ditto: I think a massive battle with the boss of all of Marleybone’s crime would be considered pretty exciting! Me want to know what happened!

Miss Narrator: Well, you obviously survived, so what’s the big deal? Now on to Mooshu…

Ditto: Well sure me survived, but what happened? These are supposed to be daring adventures, full of danger and thrills…

Miss Narrator: Well yes, it was very daring, it was amazing, thrilling, you were totally amazing, like a super hero!

Ditto: Oh I like dat – super hero Ditto sounds awesome!

Miss Narrator: Great – let’s head to Mooshu then.. Ditto and Madame Jasmine –

Ditto: But, how did we defeat Meowiarty and his devious minions? What amazing spells and strategy did we use to defeat such an amazing opponent? How did we… Hey wait… I smell eggrolls…

Miss Narrator: Eggrolls? Oh yes – Mooshu is full of them. But you wanted to get into last month’s ‘Meowiarty’ battle in excruciating detail, so let’s head back to dingy old Marleybone, where everything smells like day old fish and chips wrapped in soggy newspaper…

Ditto: No, actually dats’ OK, I’m sure the fight was thrilling, can we get back to the eggrolls now?

Miss Narrator: No no, you’re right, this is all about your daring adventures, so let’s talk about the thrilling tale of Big Ben… the whole exciting story of your daring adventures there…

Ditto: Oh, the whole story? that long, huh? Well, actually now that you mention it, I’m sure the listeners have totally forgotten about that whole thing – it was just a few episodes, you know, blow up a couple robots, drop a meteor on a mime… nothing all that exciting happened…

Miss Narrator: As Ditto approached the huge wooden and brass doors that lead to the immense tower of Big Ben, he and Madame Jasmine…

Ditto: But, eggrolls… can’t we just….

Miss Narrator: The tower is immense, it looms in the fog like some great dark monolith, and at it’s peak stands the most foul and evil…

Ditto: Do we really have to do this? Now me hungry… You think they have fried rice?

Miss Narrator: Definitely fried rice, and this AMAZING egg drop soup, it’s like it melts in your mouth and then does a happy little dance on your tongue….

Ditto: Mmmm sounds so good… and then we can have fortune cookies, and…

Miss Narrator: And we need to get up this tower and battle Meowiarty first! So as the doors open and Ditto peers into the gloomy interior of the enormous clocktower, he hears a deep, evil laugh echoing through the building, as if every stone and beam in the tower were infused with dark magics… Ditto raises his staff and –

Ditto: And I is very hungry now – is there like a ‘fast forward button’ here? I’m wondering if dey have crab rangoons?

Madame Jasmine: Bwaak!

Miss Narrator: Yes, the crab rangoons are nice actually – they get the crabs fresh daily from Celestia!

Ditto: Mmmm, celestian crab rangoons… Need to hurry to Mooshu now!

Miss Narrator: Oh all right – Needing to reach the top of the tower and defeat Meowiarty QUICKLY (Annoyed voice), Ditto scours the LA underground, following obscure leads and talking to shady contacts until finally…

Ditto: You mean?!?!?

Miss Narrator: That’s right! If you have a problem with an evil wizard, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The A-Team.

Play A Team Theme

Miss Narrator: Ditto meets up with the amazing Christina ‘Bad Attitude’ Icedreamer, the charismatic Steven ‘Faceman’ Spiritcaller, and the always incredible overlord Leesha ‘Hannibal’ Darkheart, a crack Wizard City commando unit wanted for a crime they didn’t commit… well, Maybe Steven did, he’s a little shady sometimes…

Ditto: does that make me the crazy one?

Miss Narrator: If the googly eyes fit… So The foursome-

Ditto: Plus Madame Jasmine!

Miss Narrator: Yes, the foursome, plus Madame Jasmine, Storm Big Ben! Ironically, without any storm wizards present… Was it really storming the tower in this case? I guess it sounds better than ‘deathing and icing the tower while the pyromancer cowers and cracks jokes’…

Ditto: Hey now!

Miss Narrator: With so many spells in the air you can walk on them, Ditto and the team climb the tower, villains and thugs falling before them! The magic is legendary, the battle ferocious. At some point, IcyWiz takes out a blowtorch, some duct tape, and some milk bottles that got knocked over, and somehow creates a cannon that one-shots a big cat-looking boss thug!

Ditto: wow cool – we done now?

Miss Narrator: Finally reaching the top of the tower, the team is shocked to find none other than Malistaire!

Ditto: Ooh there goes my appetite!

Miss Narrator: But after a few wisecracks, he vanishes, leaving the team to face off against Meowiarty and his fearsome lieutenants.

Ditto: appetite back – let’s get em!!

Miss Narrator: After an incredibly one-sided battle, Meowiarty and his minions prove they are no match for actual trained wizards who can do more than one cool spell…

Ditto: Hey now – I got in the final blow with a Meteor Strike!

Miss Narrator: (sarcastic/bored) Ah yes, how unexpected, you dropped meteors on your enemies, what a shocker…

Ditto: (grumbling) Gets the job done…. (Excited) So we won, Malistaire still a bad guy and got away, we go to Mooshu now??

Miss Narrator: Actually, just as you’re about to enter the spiral portal and head to Mooshu, you get an urgent summons form the Headmaster, saying your skills – such as they are – are needed once again in Grizzleheim!!

Ditto: Nooooo!!!!

Miss Narrator: Join us again next time for more exciting Daring adventures with Ditto!!

One response

  1. Kevin Battleblood

    Hey Ditto!

    I’ll soon be linking this into Ravenwood Radio’s transcript 🙂

    By the way, I wonder if you knew about Episode 18 being literally ordered right under Episode 1 on your “The Daring Adventures of Ditto” tab? It falls out of pattern with everything else following chronological order~

    Cheers!

    February 11, 2011 at 12:02 pm

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