Episode 21

The Daring Adventures of Ditto, Episode 21, as heard on Ravenwood Radio Episode 36 (Featuring me, Ditto, as guest host!!)

Miss Narrator: Welcome once again to the Daring Adventures of Ditto, Episode 21!

Ditto: This not going to go well for me, is it?

Miss Narrator: Well, let’s see. When last we left our intrepid explorer, he had just used every trick in the book to defeat Warlord Katsumori in his fortress. As Ditto was doing his victory dance, however, Warlord Katsumori raised a clawed hand and, with a desperate gasp, began the transformation into the gigantic and terrifying demon War Oni.

Ditto: Yeah, me was hoping that would have wrapped itself up by now… how about we talk about PAX East??

Miss Narrator: OK, sure, what did you want to talk about? Since I was there with you, I could fill people in on you playing with the windows on the ride up and trying to stick your head out of the car, spilling yogurt on the seat, hiding under a booth when you got scared by the –

Ditto: OK well now! IT seems we’ve been talking about PAX So much over the past few days, I wouldn’t want to bore people with it! And besides, we’ve got a War Oni to battle, right? So let’s go get ‘em!

Miss Narrator: Or I could tell them all about the anime cosplayer girl with the ears that you mistook for your uncle Roger and-

Ditto: Oops, War Oni sees me, looks like I’m locked in a deadly duel with a huge elemental demon – can’t talk about PAX any more…

Miss Narrator: Oh all right… The War Oni bellows at our hero, who has just enough time to drink down a healing elixir and bring himself back to full strength before he is once again locked in mortal combat. Oh, did you happen to mention in your blog about seeing the demo of the new Mortal Kombat game at PAX? And how you got so scared you –

Ditto: Meteor Strike!! Meteor Strike!!

Miss Narrator: At the War Oni?

Ditto: No, on every element of that story!! Meteor Strike!!

Miss Narrator: Like Warlord Katsumori before him, the War Oni is wreathed in flames – Ditto’s pyromancer skills will have little effect on this terrible foe.

Ditto: Yes, me noticed! But that means his fire spells can’t hurt me much either, right?

Miss Narrator: He’s an elemental war demon wearing mystical enchanted armor, you’re a student wizard wearing a fashionable robe that’s probably a cotton/poly blend. What do you think?

Ditto: Gulp. Madame Jasmine, any ideas?

Madame Jasmine: Bwaak!

Ditto: I already thought of that – it looks like the doors locked as we came in, so running away in terror not really an option. Anything else.

Madame Jasmine: Bwaak!

Ditto: I’m not even going to repeat that. You kiss your mother with that mouth? Thanks for all the support…

Miss Narrator: The War Oni starts off strong, throwing out a lava shark just as Ditto is reaching for his wand. Sparks and molten magma spray everywhere as Ditto throws up a shield at the last second.

Ditto: Me thought you were going to say Ditto throws up, which is not entirely inaccurate at this point in the fight…

Miss Narrator: Ditto knows he needs to find something special, something he’s never tried before, he needs to –

Ditto: He kind of looks like a big flaming elephant, doesn’t he?

Miss Narrator: Well yes, he does look kind of like a big giant flaming elephant, but I don’t see how that’s…

Ditto: I know what to do – Ice mouse spell!

Miss Narrator: Ice mouse? I’ve never heard of such a thing – Professor Greyrose doesn’t teach it…

Ditto: Learned it from a guy in Marleybone actually. (Bad brit accent) Had a thing for mice, he did…

Miss Narrator: That can’t possibly… but as the tiny frost-colored mouse scampers across the dueling circle, the War Oni bellows in terror and runs right through the nearest wall, leaving a large and oddly cartoonish oni-shaped hole… I seriously cannot believe that worked.

Ditto: I saw that on Mythbusters, actually – Jamie and Adam were surprised too…

Miss Narrator: Well, now that the less than impressive War Oni has been vanquished, never to be seen again, I guess that wraps up the problems at Hametsu village.

Ditto: Ghesu –

Miss Narrator: That was already old last episode.

Ditto: Yeah, just kidding..

Miss Narrator: So join us again next time for more Daring Adventures of Ditto…

Ditto: Go Ditto, Go Ditto….

Miss Narrator: You know you can’t pull off that mouse gag a second time, right?

Ditto: Yeah, me know…