Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 22

Episode 22, as heard on Ravenwood Radio Episode #37

Miss Narrator: Good evening and welcome to the Daring Adventures of Ditto! After defeating the terrible War Oni with a completely cheezy stunt

Ditto: Hey now!

Miss Narrator: Our intrepid explorer finds himself in the middle of a quiet garden, listening to a tranquil stream..

Ditto: It’s quiet ‘round here. Too quiet.

Miss Narrator: The tranquility is suddenly broken by –

Ditto: Meteor Stri-

Miss Narrator: Broken by a small weathered looking fellow with a long nose, wearing a large floppy hat, who asks that you not drop flaming space rocks on him….

Ditto: Ooh sorry, force of habit.

Miss Narrator: Right, we get it. The small man introduces himself as Marley.

Ditto: Holey Moley.

Miss Narrator: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.

Ditto: Dat’s too bad, it was clever.

Miss Narrator: Just keep telling yourself that. So Marley introduces himself and says he has a task of great importance for Ditto.

Ditto: Oooh, important task, me understand. What me have to fight?

Miss Narrator: Instead of a battle, Marley hands Ditto a tattered scroll, a weather beaten linen pouch tied with a silk ribbon, and a silver shovel.

Ditto: Oh cool, this just like… . Yeah, me have no idea…

Miss Narrator: He tells Ditto to follow him, and slowly makes his way through the tranquil Mooshu garden, then through an archway in the ancient stone wall. Compared to the tranquil garden they just left, this area looks completely barren – brown soil with patches of scraggly green grass poking up through stones and weeds.

Ditto: Whoa – so me have to defeat whatever is doing this stuff?

Miss Narrator: Marley sits in the lotus position, his floppy hat fluttering lightly in the breeze, and motions for Ditto to join him in tranquil meditation.

Ditto: Oh, OK – me sit down.

wait a few extra seconds

Ditto: Um… this getting boring….

Ditto: OK, me tired of…

Miss Narrator: Wow, you made it almost six whole seconds in tranquil meditation. That’s double what I expected.

Ditto: Me can’t help it, me is a monster of action…

Miss Narrator: If by ‘action’ you mean ‘run and hide’…

Ditto: Oh sure, bring that up again….

Miss Narrator: Once he has finished his meditation, Marley gets up and begins to teach Ditto new spells, using the tattered parchment and energies Ditto had not yet encountered. Ditto could feel the energy flowing as he spoke these new words of power into the tranquil breeze.

Ditto: Oh goody, new spells – I’ll be they going to be awesome, like super triple meteor strike!!

Miss Narrator: Marley guides Ditto to put down his wand and, using the silver shovel, perform a complex series of spell actions. Ditto then opened the linen pouch, revealing a smooth, rounded black object.

Ditto: Is it a hand grenade?

Miss Narrator: IT is a mystical and ancient seed, and Marley guides Ditto to plant it in the newly loosened earth, using the silver shovel to dig the perfect sized hole.

Ditto: Wait… it’s a seed? And me is just digging a hole?

Miss Narrator: Ditto finishes planting the seed and the guided by Marley, speaks other words into the air around them. There is a sudden chill and then a small rain storm forms and waters the newly planted seed.

Ditto: And now we get attacked by a big evil monster, right?

Miss Narrator: Marley bids Ditto return the next day to continue his epic and crucial quest.

Ditto: Quest for what, a garden salad? What’s the spell for croutons? IS French Dressing fire school, or would that be balance?

Miss Narrator: Ditto returns to the secret and ancient grove the next day, as the sun reaches it’s highest point, and –

Ditto: Gah!! What is that thing? IT just tried to eat me!!

Miss Narrator: In the center of the ancient grove, right where Ditto planted his seed the day before, there is a huge red plant, shaped like a dragon, including exquisitely formed wings and snapping jaws.

Ditto: Why would it try to eat me? I’m only here to water it!

Miss Narrator: Well it’s called a snap dragon for a reason!

Ditto: I just remembered, I’m allergic…

Miss Narrator: To what?

Ditto: plants that try to eat me…

Miss Narrator: Oh it won’t eat you. See, it likes you…

Ditto: Yeah, it likes me with ketchup. yikes!

Miss Narrator: Oh don’t be silly. Snap Dragons prefer barbecue sauce.

Ditto: Of course they do.

Miss Narrator: Finally Marley once again meets Ditto in the garden, and he examines the tall, fully grown snap dragon plant. He bows to Ditto and says that once, the sacred grove of spirits was lush with mystical plants, but then with the rise of the evil Oni, the garden became choked with weeds until finally, all the lush green vegetation withered away to nothing. With your help, Marley has begun restoring the garden back to it’s natural beauty.

Ditto: Aw, how nice, natural, carnivorous beauty. So, me all set now.

Miss Narrator: Actually, Marley needs you to return at least once per day and care for the plants, using your newfound magic to water the plants and feed them and even keep them company.

Ditto: Every day? Seriously? Why can’t moley McMoleface here do it? Seems like he’s the master gardener here.

Miss Narrator: He would, but he’s got a spiral door to catch – he’s got tickets to a show in Celestia and won’t be back for at least a week…..

Ditto: But, but… epic quest… crucial task….

Miss Narrator: Join us again next time for more Daring Adventures of Ditto!

Ditto: I’m a plant sitter now? Really?

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