Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 20

The Daring Adventures of Ditto – Episode 20, as originally heard on Ravenwood Radio Episode 35!

Miss Narrator: Welcome once again to the Daring Adventures of Ditto – we’ve made it all the way to Episode 20!

Ditto: Seriously? We’ve done twenty episodes of this? And people are still listening?

Miss Narrator: Yup, and apparently they really like it, too!

Ditto: Wow, that’s amazing – Firefly was canceled after nine episodes and we’ve made it a full twenty.

Miss Narrator: I know, the universe just isn’t fair.

Ditto: Yeah, so true. Browncoats forever!

Miss Narrator: There are no cows in space, but there ARE cows in Mooshu

Ditto: Oooh clever segue.

Miss Narrator: Thanks, I made that up myself. Now on to Mooshu, where Ditto and Madame Jasmine travel to the distant villiage of Hametsu

Ditto: Gesundheit

Miss Narrator: So Ditto and Madame Jasmine wander through what seems like miles of bamboo-lined roads to the quaint and calm Hametsu village – a village under the dread influence of the first of the demon Oni, the War Oni.

Ditto: The what now?

Miss Narrator: Malistaire’s influence has unleashed the dreaded demon Oni on all of MooShu, keeping the emperor in some kind of mystical coma and plunging the land into darkness and chaos.

Ditto: This is kind of excessive for an order of fried rice, isn’t it?

Miss Narrator: So Ditto and Madame Jasmine finally meet Shojiro Gama

Ditto: Gesundheit

Miss Narrator: Who tells you that Hametsu village is under siege by the forces of the War Oni, and he needs your help.

Ditto: Yes, What a shock… Meteor Strike!!

Miss Narrator: Meteor strike on what, exactly? Is there another mime?

Ditto: Well, I just assumed – what he need then? It’s always about defeating bad guys isnt’ it?

Miss Narrator: Maybe in Marleybone where you were fighting against a a giant criminal syndicate, sure, but this is Mooshu, a land of peace and tranquility

Ditto: And, apparently, evil demon Oni

Miss Narrator: Sure, bring that up…. You’ll need to be more focused and, dare I say it, more subtle if you want to save Mooshu.

Ditto: Oh yes, subtle and focused, I can do that. Wax on, Wax off… me can handle it, no problem!

Miss Narrator: Yeah, why am I not filled with confidence at those words? So Shojiro Gama

Ditto: Gesundheit

Miss Narrator: Yeah that’s losing it’s charm

Ditto: Me sorry…

Miss Narrator: So Shojiro Gama needs you to find his spies, who ran into the bamboo forest when the War Oni’s forces attacked.

Ditto: Aw, they’re so cute!! They’re like little lamby guys, they’re so cuddly and fluffy!!

Miss Narrator: Yes, they’re very…

Ditto: Oh I love them, I just want to snuggle up with them – look at his big brown eyes! come here little lamby guy, it’s OK, come on out…

Miss Narrator: wow – I’m not sure who they’re more terrified of at this point, the War Oni or Ditto…

ditto: Oh, me sorry. You guys are safe now, go on and do whatever little lamby things you like to do… Frolic and whatnot.

Miss Narrator: with that task done, Shojiro Gama has another job for Ditto – there are crates of weapons lying all over the place, he needs Ditto to go clean them up.

ditto: Really? There are just crates of weapons laying all over the place? Why would they… Ow!

Miss Narrator: Oh yes, the weapon crates are really heavy.

Ditto: Probably should have mentioned that sooner…

Miss Narrator: Once all the weapons are collected, Shojiro Gama says it’s time to face the dreaded Warlord Katsumori in the Crimson fields!

Ditto: Oh he sounds pretty tough… shouldn’t I have help?

Madame Jasmine: Bwaak!

Ditto: I mean other wizards – you’re always great help the way you hide behind me and everything…

Miss Narrator: Oh you’re a big strong pyromancer, you can take a little warlord and his minion can’t you?

Ditto: Sigh. Wax on, Wax off… OK let’s get him.

Miss Narrator: Ditto and Madame Jasmine enter the huge fortress of Warlord Katsumori, flickering torches barely lighting the dim interior. The frightening Katsumori stands ready, his dim-witted minion by his side, snarling, and the battle begins!

Ditto: Meteor Strike now?

Miss Narrator: As Ditto shouts the words of power and fire energy fills the air, Warlord Katsumori throws up a series of fire shields and deflects the worst of the assault. It seems Ditto’s opponent is also a master of fire magic, leaving the power of Ditto’s attack diminished.

Ditto: Oh dear. Dat not good! Now what me going to use? Me should have payed more attention in Professor Falmea’s class instead of texting all the time… What was it she said about this?? No, dat wasn’t it….

Miss Narrator: Warlord Katsumori fires back, hitting Ditto and Madame Jasmine with a bubbling Magma Shark!! The molten creature jumps up and tries to bite Ditto, who only narrowly excapes a nasty burn.

Ditto: Gah!! Ok not good, not good. What do me do here… what was it? Oh, wait… me try this…

Miss Narrator: Ditto waves his staff high in the air and a chill surrounds him, then a flurry of snowflakes dust the air as Ditto casts a shimmering prism of energy at Warlord Katsumori. He ducks as the warlord hits him with a snarling heck hound, his robes starting to smolder, and then digs deep…

Ditto: Meteor Strike!

Miss Narrator: Ditto dives behind an ornately carved chair as meteors fall from the sky, but instead of flaming balls of fire magic, the ice prism converts them into giant ice boulders, slamming into Warlord Katsumori and knocking him senseless.

Ditto: Yay, me win!!

Miss Narrator: As Ditto does his victory dance, Warlord Katsumori raises to his knees, eyes aflame, and a deep roar is heard.

Ditto: Meep!

Miss Narrator: Before your eyes, Warlord Katsumori transforms, growing into the gigantic War Oni, a demon wreathed in flame and bellowing with rage!

Ditto: Oh you have got to be kidding me… No eggrolls are worth this…

Miss Narrator: Join us again next time for the next thrilling adventure of ‘The Daring Adventures of Ditto’, as ditto faces off against the smallest and weakest of the dreaded Oni demons…

Ditto: Smallest and weakest????

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