Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 8

Daring Adventures of Ditto, Episode 8

Daring Adventures of Ditto, Episode 8 originally aired on Ravenwood Radio Episode 22

Narrator: Welcome once again to the Daring Adventures of Ditto. When last we left our intrepid duo, Ditto and Madame Jasmine were deep within the evil fortress of Draugarth

Ditto: What, it an ‘evil fortress’ now? Last time it was only an encampment…

Narrator: They redecorated -now it’s an evil fortress.

Ditto: They created an evil fortress by just redecorating? Seriously?

Narrator: Sure. Ikea’s ‘Evil Fortress’ line – they have everything.

Ditto: Oh of course, dat makes sense. I bought a bookshelf there once…

Narrator: Deep within the evil darkness of Draugarth, Ditto and Madame Jasmine hear the dark and evil laughter of Skellek, darkest and most evil of the Grendels (as far as you know right now, anyway)

Ditto: Wow, that’s a lot of evil and darkness in there…

Narrator: Yeah tell me about it. So you are entering the lair of Skellek the vile, ready to do battle and claim your victory.

Ditto: why we doing this again?

Narrator: Because it is your destiny!

Ditto: No, seriously – why we doing this again? Seems a bit much to expect from a student wizard, doesn’t it?

Narrator: Well, um…

Ditto: and really, when you think about it, I don’t even think me have gone to a single class yet.

Narrator: But professor Falmea –

Ditto: Have you been in her class? You can’t even sit in those desks! She taught me a few spells, sure, but really I haven’t even had any homework yet. I just get to school and get sent to all these crazy worlds to fight monsters and forest demons…

Narrator: And don’t forget ice spiders

Ditto: Ooohhh don’t even get me STARTED on de ice spiders! So now me expected to defeat some huge evil Grendel monster as well? Dis is just getting to be too much I think…

Narrator: Well, this IS the DARING ADVENTURES of Ditto… I mean, there’s nothing too daring or adventurous about sitting in a class room or delivering mail, is there?

Ditto: Well, true, but….

Narrator: And besides, you’re no mere student! You are a daring and skilled explorer, scouring the spiral for adventure and treasure!!

Ditto: Yeah, yeah me is!

Narrator: And you and Madame Jasmine have quested far and wide, from the terrors of Wizard city to the deathtraps of Krokotopia to the dark, forbidden forests of Grizzleheim!

Madame Jasmine: Bwaak!

Ditto: Yeah, dat’s right Jasmine!

NArrator: So what are you?

Ditto: We’re daring adventurers!

Narrator: And where are you?

Ditto: In darkest Draugarth, in the lair of Skellek the vile!!

Narrator: and what are you going to do?

Ditto: run and hide!!!

Narrator: Oh brother…. So Ditto and Madame Jasmine ‘bravely’ step into the dimly-lit chamber at the heart of the mighty Draugarth and for the first time, face Skellek, vile and cruel Grendel cheiftain.

Ditto: Gulp!

Narrator: Skellek looks down on you and bellows “Foolish little hairless one! I cannot be defeated!” , but as Ditto steps out of the shadows and raises the gleaming mystical blade, Skellek shrieks!! “What’s that?! A thrice-blessed spider-bane blade..!? Aaaargggh!”

Ditto: Cool! Now I’ve got you even Grendel thingy!!

Narrator: Skellek cowers before the might of the thrice-blessed bade.

Ditto: I attack him with the thrice-blessed blade to vanquish him! Poke poke!

Narrator: Actually, you can’t… You have to duel him.

Ditto: What? After all that work for the blade and the ‘nothing can harm him except..’ blah blah blah, I can’t use the sword?

Narrator: Nope – you have to duel him.

Ditto: Dat is very confusing… I have the sword right here, he’s afraid of it, all I have to do is walk over there and…

Narrator: And ruin your family-friendly rating?

Ditto: Ahhhh…. very clever KingsIsle, very clever indeed…

Narrator: As they face off in the duelling circle, Ditto draws into his life magic reserves and puts up a glowing green shield between himself and Skellek, then begins to draw upon his pyromancer’s skills, the fire energy coursing through him.

Ditto: Hot stuff now!!

Narrator: Ditto casts a fire trap, surrounding Skellek in deep red light. Skellek throws a dark sprite against Ditto’s shields, then a thunder snake, but both bounce off harmlessly, though the shield dims noticeably. Ditto knows it won’t be able to take much more of the pounding the fearsome Skellek is dealing it.

Ditto (In bad Scottish accent) :I’m givin’ her all she’s got captain, but she can’t take much more o’ this…

Narrator: Why do I even try?

Ditto: Me sorry…

Narrator: Ditto sees Skellek pulling in the dark, hideous forces of death magic just as his shield sputters it’s last. He sees it’s now or never and spreads his arms wide, sending a shimmering red SunBird through his fire blade, watches it grow in intensity through the fire traps set around Skellek, and then blast Skellek himself, the giant beast tumbling from the duelling circle, defeated!

Ditto: Yay!! Dat was an awesome fight…

Narrator: Yes, it was lovely. So… with Skellek defeated Ditto and Madame Jasmine mkae their way back to Hagen Shieldbreaker. Hagen is impressed by Ditto’s courage and strength, and sends him to speak to Bjorn Ironclaws, assistant to the King himself.

Ditto: Finally, me get to see the king! I think dat was what started this whole Grizzleheim thing to begin with…

Narrator: Bjorn looks at you approvingly and tells you that your feats are the stuff of legend!

Ditto: Yup, legendary, dats me!

Narrator: Bjorn then thanks you for all you’ve done for him and his people, and tells you to return to Headmaster Ambrose with news of Grizzleheim and your exploits!

Ditto: And me get to see the king now, right?

Narrator: Nope.

Ditto: What??? After all dat, dat’s all? But what about….

Narrator: Tune in next time as Ditto and Madame Jasmine head to jolly old Marleybone for more exciting and daring adventures!

Ditto: Hey what happened to Krokotopia?

Narrator: Oh that? You won.

Ditto: What? Why we not going back to Krokotopia? It was very exciting!

Narrator: I’m sure it is, but I just love English accents!!

Ditto: Oh brother…

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