Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 15

The Daring Adventures of Ditto, Episode 15

The Daring Adventures of Ditto – Episode 15 As originally heard on Ravenwood Radio Episode 30!

Narrator: Wow, Episode 15 – that’s like a hundred in puppet years.

Ditto: Ha Ha yeah that – what a minute, what does that even mean?

Narrator: So where were we?

Ditto: Um – we won, and everybody cheered!

Narrator: Oh yes, that’s right – You fought your way through many perils and helped save the environment by shutting down those nasty smokestacks! How very green of you!

Ditto: Actually I’m Orange…

Narrator: Really, I hadn’t noticed… So anyway, as a reward for their tireless efforts, Ditto and Madame Jasmine were ushered into the lab of the nefarious Doctor Katzenstein

Ditto: Oh yeah me remember now, with all the maniacal laughing and the weird electrical sounds. Dis not look good…

Narrator: Katzenstein stands there, surrounded by his mechanical minions, with wild hair and a terrifying, leering grin. He shrieks as you enter and throws a huge brass switch, bolts of electricity arcing across the room.

Ditto: Gaahhh!

Narrator: Gah?

Ditto: Oh, me sorry, me meant GGAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Narrator: the mechanical minions cross the room, surrounding Ditto and Madame Jasmine, evil blue-white fire lighting their hollow, lifeless eyes.

Ditto: You’re really laying it on pretty thick here, I’m kind of…

Narrator: Spells fly through the air, knocking Ditto to his knees and sending Madame Jasmine running for cover.

Ditto: Tower shield, lightning shield, anything sheild! I want my blanky!

Narrator: So you cast the fluffy blanky spell – it has little effect. Doctor Katzenstein and his minions continue their assault.

Ditto: That not funny… me not even know fluffy blanky spell. Me think that life school.

Narrator: Actually I think it’s a death spell. You just know that behind all that evil and glowering, Malistaire has a blanky he sleeps with when his nightlight goes out…

Ditto: Um yeah.. I’m sure that’s exactly right, uh huh…

Narrator: So surrounded by Katzenstein and his minions, Ditto calls upon all the deepest, darkest powers he can bring to bear

Ditto: Oooh, a bear, can I get one of those?

Narrator: Sure.

Ditto: Really?

Narrator: No.

Ditto: Aw

Narrator: Just as Ditto and Madame Jasmine are backed against the wall, surely facing defeat, a swirl of shimmering light fills the room and another wizard, a sharply-dressed necromancer, enters the room and waves at you.

Ditto: Wha??

Narrator: She says she met you at a Ravenwood Radio party a few weeks back and wanted to port in to say hi. She’s a big fan…

Ditto: Are you kidding me? We kind of have a big thing going on here… with the katzenstein and da minions and…. Why would she just pop into de middle of a fight like dat…

Narrator: The necromancer waves her wand three times in the air and a huge scarecrow pops into the middle of the room. The clanking, sparking minions of Katzenstein collapse to the floor, leaving the doctor himself wide open to your attack.

Ditto: Whoa, impressive, but still, she just jumped into de middle of my adventure here, you know…

Narrator: Ditto gets up and brushes himself off, then channels his remaining energy into a massive Phoenix. The fiery bird lashes out at the now cowering mad scientist and bowls him over, knocking him out of the lab, defeated!!

Ditto: Yay!! Oh, and uh, thank you random necromancer who just ported in to say hello. You were most helpful. Now what me win.

Narrator: Nothing yet…

Ditto: What?

Narrator: With the utter defeat of Katzenstein, there is noone left to tell you what the plan was or where Meowiarty is hiding out.

Ditto: Well that could have gone better.

Jasmine: Bwaak

Narrator: Yes, Madame Jasmine suggests that you assemble another metal minion out of these spare parts – assuming it has the same programming, it will probably lead you right to Meowiarty.

Ditto: Or do like the other dozen we just dealt with and try to use our heads as bongo drums…

Narrator: There is an almost zero percent chance of that happeneing.

Ditto: So how close to zero is ‘almost zero’

Narrator: Like eighty percent.

Ditto: Wow, do I want to play poker with you some day.

Narrator: So Ditto and Madame Jasmine assemble a clockwork minion in the laboratory and throw a bunch of random switches. Finally, after making lots of noise and nearly being electrocuted twice, Ditto sees the clockwork soldier rise and look around.

Ditto: Please don’t kill us, please don’t kill us.

Narrator: The clockwork runs around in a circle, jumps up and down six times, waves it’s arms insanely, then swivels it’s hips in a wide oval.

Ditto: Is it malfunctioning?

Narrator: No, I think it’s playing a Kinekt game…

DIito: Yeah – there really is no looking cool doing that, is there?

Narrator: So once the mechanical minion has finished using it’s body as the controller, it babbles something about ‘mission in the clock tower’ and needing to get to Bog Ben.

Ditto: Oh cool, I always wanted to go check out Big Ben…

Narrator: I’ll bed you did. You do know that once you get there, like a hundred different things are going to try to attack you?

Ditto: Of course dey will…

Narrator: Tune in next time for Ditto’s epic assault on Big Ben, coming face to face with the sinister meowiarty, and maybe even more….. that is as long as he doesn’t chicken out…

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