Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 7

Daring Adventures of Ditto Episode 7

The Daring Adventures of Ditto – Episode 7 as originally heard on Ravenwood Radio Episode 21, ‘Storm Study Hall’!!

Narrator: Welcome once again to the Daring Adventures of Ditto! When last we met, our intrepid duo had just been embarrassingly defeated by a two foot tall Grendel and were sent running..

Ditto: No, we just did a strategic fallback, dat’s all – we were regrouping, I told you dat… And anyway, Ditto and Madam Jasmine went back and defeated dat Grendel no problem, we were awesome! You should have seen us…

Narrator: You had help, huh?

Ditto: (glumly) yes… we had help. It’s a good thing dis such a nice social game…

Narrator: Helped by an ice wizard, no doubt…

Ditto: Hey now, dat…

Narrator: It was an ice student, wasn’t it?

Ditto: Yes… it was an ice student. He was very nice.

Narrator: Of course he was. Go ice school!

Ditto: Alright, enough of dat… We get the terrible Grendel claw – don’t even ask about dat pat of the quest – and we get it back to captain spooky there in the camp.

Narrator: Yes, the dark and mysterious Hugin Fateseer adds the final ingredient into the cauldron and the smoke roils and swirls around, deep azure blue sparks shooting out as the air is split with the sound of a deep rolling thunder…

Ditto: Oh great it going to rain, I hate it when my fur gets all wet…

Narrator: So do I – you think wet dog is bad, try wet puppet…

Ditto: Yeah I know – hey wait a minute!!

Narrator: So once the colored smoke clears, Hugin glares at you from under his deep hood and raises a thin, clawlike hand.

Ditto: He still a good guy , right?

Narrator: Sure, go with that. I’m sure he’s very nice, cuddly even. Dark and mysterious and cuddly…

Ditto: You not very convincing you know?

Narrator: Anyway…. Hugin stares at you and his voice croaks, telling you that the fates have spoken, and that you, Ditto the wizard, are chosen! You have another task to complete, another quest to fulfil for the honor of Grizzleheim and to save the Spiral itself!

Ditto: Another? Really? Me was kind of hoping for, I don’t know, a reward of some kind? Maybe a sandwitch?

Narrator: Food again?

Ditto: Oh, sorry, no – So wat’s dis one quest about?

Narrator: Hugin looks at you and tells you that you are the wizard who has been chosen, it is you who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert.

Ditto: Cold? Desert?

Narrator: Traveling for many days and nights

Ditto: So dis going to take long time I take it… Sigh…

Narrator: Risking life and limb to reach the dragon’s keep.

Ditto: Hey what now? Risking what to get where?

Narrator: For you are the bravest, and most handsome in all the land

Ditto: Can’t really argue there…

Narrator: and it is destiny that your kiss would break the dreaded curse.

Ditto: My what?? Break what curse? He, dis starting to sound familiar…

Narrator: You alone will climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess’s chambers….

Ditto: Wait wait wait!! Hold on!

Narrator: What?

Ditto: That’s from a movie!

Narrator: What is?

Ditto: Dat whole thing, the whole quest, it’s from a movie! It’s not a grizzleheim quest, it’s from Shrek!

Narrator: Well, maybe they, um, wrote the quest after watching the movie?

Ditto: You have no idea what the next Grizzelheim quests are, do you?

Narrator: No… I meant to look them up, but I got busy…

Ditto: Sigh… So what now? No daring adventure?

Narrator: Well, I did have one little thing… I was saving it for a special occasion though…

Ditto: Well dis seem special, since we seem to be out of stuff to do on my daring adventures… go for it.

Narrator: OK, you asked for it… So After speaking with Hugin Fateseer…

Ditto: And telling him me not interested in rescuing Princess Fiona?

Narrator: Shoosh… After speaking with Hugin Fateseer you meet a large, muscular Grizzleheim warrior named Hagen Sheildbreaker, and he has a quest for you.

Ditto: It better not be picking berries or the plot to ‘The Last Airbender’…

Narrator: He tells you that There is a Grendel, more powerful and terrible than any of the others, one of the oldest and most powerful of his kind.

Ditto: Grendel? Oldest and most powerful?

Narrator: It is said that he cannot be defeated by any mortal magic or weapon, that the spells and swords of the strongest warriors of all Grizzleheim had tried to defeat this menace. Tried, and failed, every last one of them felled by the beast…

Ditto: Beast??

Narrator: Aye! The beast known only as Skellek!

Ditto: So Me guess we cant’ defeat him – too bad!

Narrator: Legend tells, however, of a blade, thrice-blessed and forged with the venom of a great spider queen. Only such a blade could have a chance of defeating Skellek.

Ditto: Well, Me just check my pockets – sorry, no thrice-blessed blade anywhere.

Narrator: Hagen Sheildbreaker shows you a sword, gleaming in the sunlight, radiating with a power and energy like you’ve never encountered before. He hands it to you, his eyes boring into your very soul as you take the mystical blade.

Ditto: Um – where he get dat? I mean, it’s supposed to be this impossible to find mystical blade thingy, and he just happen to have one laying around?

Narrator: Apparently it was forged and thrice-blessed by another student wizard, but they had to log out before they could finish the quest line…

Ditto: What??

Narrator: Never mind… So Ditto and Madame Jasmine

Jasmine: Bwaak!!

Ditto: Dat’s right Jasmine, about time she got you into the story…

Narrator: So Ditto and Madame Jasmine trek through the deep forest to the menacing gates of Draugarth, encampment of the dreaded Grendel lord, Skellek

Ditto: Me have a bad feeling about this…

Narrator: Ditto and Madame Jasmine make their way slowly and stealthily to the huge, imposing wooden doors of the central building in the Grendel encampment, and slowly push the massive creaking door open, a small shaft of light piercing the dimly lit gloom inside…

Ditto: What me see, what me see?

Narrator: As Ditto’s eyes adjust to the gloom, he sees a massive, misshapen bulk start to shift in the darkness, and his blood is chilled by a deep, terrible, booming laugh that fills the whole building and makes Ditto’s ears start to ring with it’s dark malevolence….

Ditto: Could you be a little less descriptive? Me want my mommy….

Narrator: What evils await Ditto in the gloom of Draugarth? Will the thrice-blessed sword be enough to defeat Skellek, most evil and vile of the Grendel?

Ditto: Me going to go back and get thrice-blessed bazooka I think..

Narrator: Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion of Ditto’s Adventures in Grizzleheim….

Ditto: Conclusion? What Dat mean? Dat sound very final….. Oh boy….


One response

  1. lolz

    April 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

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