Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 6

Daring Adventures of Ditto Episode 6

This episode of
The Daring Adventures of Ditto – Episode 6!!
originally played on Ravenwood Radio Episode 20

Narrator: Welcome once again to the Daring Adventures of Ditto!

Ditto: Oh, hi again. Still…

Narrator: Yep, still me.

Ditto: That’s what me thought. So last time we was just…

Narrator: After speaking with the mysterious Hugin Fateseer, Ditto and Madame Jasmine make their way into the Grizzleheim forests, searching for the terrifying Frithir

Ditto: What are dey again? something cute and cuddly right?

Narrator: Winged forest demons actually.

Ditto: Of course dey are…

Narrator: Before long Ditto and Madame Jasmine are surrounded by frithir, their shrill battle cries filling the air as they swarm around our intrepid heroes.

Ditto: Ahhhh! Yikes! Shoo, shoo, go away! Pesky little…

Narrator: The Frithir advance, their wings glittering in the dim forest light, and they attack, dark magic hissing through the air towards our heroes!

Ditto: Yikes! Tower Shield! Tower Shield!

Narrator: You don’t know that spell…

Ditto: Wha?? What you mean I don’t know dat spell? This a radio drama, can’t I just….

Narrator: Nope – it’s more dramatic this way ..

Madame Jasmine: Bwaak!!

Ditto: yeah, You telling me Jasmine!! Dis not good at all!

Narrator: Ditto and Madame Jasmine are hit by the cruel spells of the Frithir, their…

Ditto: Hey, wait a minute… we actually get hit??

Narrator: Of course you get hit – you’re being attacked by a horde of vicious forest demons…

Ditto: Wow, yeah, but.. me usually not actually get hit… Does it hurt?

Narrator: Well.. yeah, I’m pretty sure it at least stings a little. I mean – you know, forest demons, evil spells…

Ditto: Well, yeah, dat true… OK, what happen next?

Narrator: Ditto and Madame Jasmine are on the ropes – metaphorically – under unrelenting attack by the dreaded Frithir. Drawing upon his mystical reserves, Ditto digs deep into the leather bag tied at his hip and draws from it a shimmering gold card, pulsing with powerful magics.

Ditto: Ooohh – me forget about the treasure cards me carry….

Narrator: Ditto speaks the words etched upon the card and the glow becomes a shimmering orb of energy that shoots high into the air, through the treetops, and vanishes.

Ditto: Huh? Where it go?

Narrator: A moment later the sky is split by lightning and thunder as a swarm of glowing bats shoots out of a fierce vortex newly opened in the sky, storm energies crackling through the charged air. Bolts of electricity shoot in every direction as the lightening bats engage the Frithir in ferocious battle and, as the dust settles, the Frithir layupon the ground….

Ditto: Fast asleep and resting peacefully!

Narrator: What? No, they’re all…

Ditto: Resting comfortably after a long day.. And oh look at that, how lucky for me and Madame Jasmine, before they went to sleep they took off their shimmery wings and lay them on the ground in a handy pile. Madame Jasmine and I take a few wings for Hugin seer guy and head back to the bear camp to talk to the spooky guy again…

Narrator: That really made no sense, you know… After a huge battle like that battle they were obviously-

Ditto: If we want to keep this a family show and not scare de little kids, den they was obviously tired and needed a restful nap, get it? Think ‘Pixar’… Trust me, de adults all get it…

Narrator: Oh yeah, well that’s an excellent point – they WOULD have been very tired after, um, playing on the playground with those friendly lightning bats…

Ditto: Let’s not push it now…

Narrator: Right, so Hugin Fateseer examines the wings and nods approvingly. He puts the wings into the steaming cauldron and sparks of crimson and purple jump out of it, making hissing noises and smelling like burritos.

Ditto: Burritos?

Narrator: Sorry – I’m kind of hungry.

Ditto: Yeah, me too now that you mention it… How about getting a pizza after this?

Narrator: Ooh yes, how about sausage and… wait, we’re kind of in the middle of something here.

Ditto: Oh yeah – sorry.

Narrator: Hugin Fateseer tells Ditto that the final ingredient to the potion is by far the most difficult to acquire, for it is a single claw from a creature that the warriors of Grizzleheim will only speak of in whispers.

Ditto: (gulp) Worse dan the forest demon things?

Narrator: Oh yes, FAR worse. Even the Frithir won’t venture into the parts of the forest inhabited by these foul beasts…

Ditto: Foul…. Beasts?

Narrator: Yes – Ditto and Madame Jasmine must gain the venom-tipped talon of… a Grendel!!

Ditto: Aaahhhhh!! Wait… A what?

Narrator: A Grendel.

Ditto: What dat?

Narrator: If you looked in the dictionary under the words terror, fear, evil, malice, and ugly all at the same time – there would be a picture of a Grendel there looking out at you, and even that picture would be more scary than anything you have yet encountered…

Ditto: Oh dear! Dat sounds bad!

Madame Jasmine: Bwaak!!

Narrator: So Ditto and Madame Jasmine follow a dark, overgrown path though the deepest, most dangerous part of Grizzleheim, fueled by fear – and destiny

Ditto: I think mostly fear, actually.. Dis place very dark and scary

Narrator: Finally, they come to the edge of a dismal grey clearing where they first encounter… The Grendel!!

Ditto: Where? Me only see a little two foot tall green thing hopping around… he look funny. Heh heh..

Narrator: There! In the clearing!!

Ditto: Behind the little green thing?

Narrator: It IS the little green thing!!

Ditto: What, are you joking? It’s just a little hopping green thing with pointy ears – how dangerous can it be? It’s kind of cute, like a bunny…

Narrator: But, just look at it, and the clearing, it’s littered with BONES! And, it’s got the claws, and huge pointy teeth!!

Ditto: Oh come on now – let’s just get this talon and be done with this whole quest.. Come on Jasmine!

Jasmine: Bwaaak!!

Narrator: As Ditto and Jasmine move in to attack, the Grendel leaps into vicious action, all claws and snarling terror!! Ditto and Jasmine are quickly overwhelmed by the beast and can do nothing but flee in mortal terror!!

Ditto: Run away run away!!!!

Narrator: So tune in next week as Ditto and Madame Jasmine continue to flee in terror

Ditto: Not terror – Dat was a strategic regroup….

Narrator: Yes, strategic regroup – is that what they’re calling ‘running away in fear’ these days…

Ditto: He just take us by surprise, dats all… um, my deck wasn’t ready, me not draw any good cards…

Madame Jasmine: Bwaaak!

Ditto: Yes, dat is true too, Madame Jasmine, excellent point…. Very hard to duel on a empty stomach!

Narrator: (sarcastically) Sure – better luck next time…

Ditto: Me think me need a nap now… And a snuggly blankie..

(end credits)

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