Ditto the Monster looks at the world of family friendly online games from a Fabricated American perspective

Episode 12

The Daring Adventures of Ditto, Episode 12

The Daring Adventures of Ditto – Episode 12 as originally heard on Ravenwood Radio Episode 27

Narrator: Welcome once again to the daring adventures of Ditto! When we last met, Detective Ditto and Madame Jasmine had rescued me, Miss Narrator, from the depths of Crab Alley! That was really weird, and it seemed like I was barely even in the episode!

Ditto: Yeah, imagine that, almost like you we’re even home or something…

Narrator: Anyway… before I was so rudely kidnapped, Ditto and Madame Jasmine were making their way through Hyde Park, looking for Baxter and laying waste to everything in their path with a barrage of meteors…

Ditto: Jeeze are we back on that again? I mean really – it’s just a spell! Granted an insanely effective spell that does drop meteors on my enemies, but it’s just one spell….

Narrator: Yes, of course, it’s just a spell. And what the Titanic hit was just an ice cube…

Ditto: Ha ha…

Narrator: Miss Conrail had given our hero information that Baxter was being held in the old abandoned amusement park, and after collecting a number of lockpicks, Ditto and Madame Jasmine were ready to go!

Ditto: Were we? Kind of getting right into it tonight aren’t we? what happened to all the playful banter?

Narrator: Well it’s going to be a really big fight – best we get right to it.

Ditto: Best for who?

Narrator: Ditto and Madame Jasmine sneak up to the Old Abandoned amusement Park.

Ditto: You mean the one with the ‘Hyde Park Fraternity House’ sign out front?

Narrator: That’s the one – kind of a strange name for an amusement park I think… So Ditto uses the lock picks to open the door, which slowly opens on creaking hinges. He and Madame Jasmine creep slowly into the gloom and stop dead in their tracks when they hear a deep, metallic laughter that seems to come form all around them

Ditto: what dat? Who there?

Narrator: The room lights come on and Ditto and Madame Jasmine find themselves surrounded by the dreaded O’Leary clan, but even worse, before them loomed a giant brass robot, the dreaded gearhead destroyer! Sparks shot from it’s mechanical eyes as it menaced our heroic duo!

Ditto: Steampunk, cool!! But, uh, We should probably run away now.

Narrator: Even though faced with certain defeat, Ditto could see baxter, tied up in the back of the building, struggling to get free. Even with the odds stacked so severely against him, Ditto knew he had to fight his way through to rescue Baxter – everything depended on it!

Ditto: Actually no, I don’t think much depends on it. In fact, I’m pretty sure Headmaster Ambrose needs me to head back to Grizzleheim, they’re having some more problems over there I guess, need an experienced wizard to help them out…

Miss Narrator: Ditto raises his ascendant staff in challenge and taunts the mighty gearhead!

Ditto: I WHAT?? Hold on a minute, I….

Miss Narrator: Sparks immediately begin to fly as Gearhead and his henchmen unleash a torrent of storm magic and before Ditto knows what hit him, he’s on his knees, reeling from the battle!

Ditto: Hey now!! Dis is not what me have in mind for…

Miss Narrator: More spells singe Ditto’s cloak and cause Madame Jasmine to duck for cover!

Ditto: Meteor Strike, Meteor Strike!

Miss Narrator: After several ineffective fizzles and Gearhead looming closer, Ditto knows what he must do!

Ditto: Yes, and that is do exactly what I tried to do before the fight started – run away!!

Miss Narrator: Ditto draws his cloak tightly around him and whispers words of power, turning the slightly smoldering garment into a potent shield against fire magic.

Ditto: Fire magic? all these guys are throwing is storm? Why would I be shielding against… oh wait a minute!! No way, nuh uh!! That spell is just too crazy, it’s just not a good idea! Me not know why it’s even in my spellbook – when professor Falmea taught it to me I thought she was crazy…

Miss Narrator: Health waning and the Gearhead Destroyer preparing to make his final blow, Ditto draws in breath, grits his teeth, and utters the magic phrase that shrouds him in a column of flame, the gout of fire building energy as it feeds off of our hero’s strength!. At the last moment, right at the limits of his endurance, Ditto launches the attack and knocks the mighty Gearhead out of the circle, falling to pieces.

Ditto: Don’t… ever… do… that… again….

Miss Narrator: You won, didn’t you?

Ditto: Well I don’t know – it kind of looks like Baxter just got carried away again, doesn’t it?

Miss Narrator: Well, sure, unfortunately Baxter was once again carried away, this time by the mechanical henchmen of some nefarious crime boss. But you beat the boss, and you have to admit, that was a VERY dramatic battle!

Ditto: I’m smoldering here – I’m actually smoldering!

Miss Narrator: Only a little – you were mostly protected in that last attack…

Ditto: Do you have any idea what burnt monster fur smells like? You know my fur doesn’t actually grow back, right?

Miss Narrator: Oh don’t be such a baby – here, have a s’more…

Ditto: Gah!!

Miss Narrator: Besides, all is not lost – you have gained vital information!

Ditto: Yes, I have learned that I hate the Immolate spell…

Miss Narrator: Oh you knew that already… no, I mean now we know that this plot goes far beyond the petty local crime syndicate, and is headed up by some dark and sinister shadow organization, and that the very fate of Marelybone may hang in the balance!

Ditto: Really?

Miss Narrator: Sure, anythings’ possible.

Ditto: Sigh – now what?

Miss Narrator: Well, now you have to head back to see Sherlock Bones and tell him all you’ve learned!

Ditto: Ah yes – good news detective, we lost him… yes, taken away by robots, so sorry… can’t wait to have THAT conversation…

Miss Narrator: Ah, but Sherlock Bones is a master detective – I’m sure he’ll put all the pieces together and figure out what brutal thugs you have to fight next…

Ditto: What now?

Narrator: Join us again next time for more daring adventures of Ditto!!!

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